“A diverse, small environment has great potential to create a culture of acceptance,” said Dr. Sam Staley ’80. “Diversity creates the array of experiences and perspectives to provide experientially based sensitivity to differences, and smallness creates an environment that, in theory, allows for the kind of culture that promotes respect and acceptance.” Professor at Florida State University and author of two young adult fiction novels centered on bullying, Staley led a remote workshop via Skype with parents as part of the Community Coffee parent education series on Friday, January 11. Joined by lower school head Suzy Hardin and middle school head Bill Glisson, the event concluded a series of speakers and presenters for both students and parents about cliques and bullying on the first week after holiday break.
“You’ve got to stay in communication with your children and each other,” said Glisson to the parent group. Glisson, Staley, and Hardin also asserted that when the lines of communication break down, it is the responsibility of the parent to gain information about their child by talking with other parents, interacting with teachers, and engaging their child’s friends and peer group. “Using ‘I need my privacy’ as an excuse is not acceptable when their safety is at issue,” said Staley. Tactics can include reviewing text messages, 
monitoring social media, and requesting updates on the outcomes of events, activities, and social occasions. While seemingly invasive, both parents and speakers agreed that it is the chief responsibility of the guardian of a minor to protect the child. “Especially online, I would want to know what you’re posting and who you are communicating with not because I don’t trust you but because the Internet is a wide open space where identities and avatars can be defined by who a person wants to portray rather than who they really are,” said attendee and participant Christie Kemper, school guidance counselor. Kemper was addressing the issue of cyberbullying raised by the presenters and parents.
Said Staley, “How can we help kids defend against traditional bullying? Self defense classes is a concrete step; it’s tangible, practical and works. How do we defend kids against cyberbullying? Develop the mental maturity to develop a thick skin? That’s how we handle it as adults. We can’t expect that of our kids because that is the very essence of growing up!”
“The bully has won when you change who you are as a person based upon the experience,” said speaker Eric Kahn Gayle, author of the critically acclaimed The Bully Book. The book is a novel inspired by Gayle’s experiences with bullies in elementary and middle school. Said Publisher’s Weekly, “Gale’s accounts of bullying are subtle and chilling, but readers will finish the book believing that the humiliations he suffers can be conquered.”
“It is a tough thing to think about doing and certainly your friends, teachers, and parents should be a central support for you as you move through adolescence,” said Gayle, “but if you find yourself in a bullying situation or alienated by a clique, rather than the temptation to get angry, use your words and appeal to their humanity. Say to them, you are hurting me.” Expanding on the simplified advice, Gayle shared the plight of the characters of his novel as the central figure searched for the reason that he was a target of bullying. Literally, getting the story out helped Gayle rise above the negative situation just as communication with words about the experience and the associated feelings enable a child to move forward with confidence.
To read a selection from Gayle’s work, The Bully Book click on the pages below:
